When I entered the world of motorcycles and began to shop for my first one, I found it difficult to keep track of model names because almost nothing was memorable—it’s easier to remember “Impala” over “Z400.” Yet today it seems there are so many awful car names out there that I’d rather settle for something uninspired and alphanumeric.
Look at pre-war American cars; they started off being uninspired. Model T, Series 75, and the like were typical, though model names did exist (Studebaker being a fine example with the Dictator, Commander, and President—notice the theme?). In the 1950s, names began to take center stage with most brands, often invoking the image of a fancy hotel, a sunny island or far-away place, an animal, or anything that could be considered exotic. Sometimes they were made-up names, but nonetheless, they invoked an image.
More recently, we’ve had to bear Detroit’s misguided attempts at thinking a name inspired by European automotive companies would make up for quality or dynamic misgivings, such as J2000 (Pontiac) and 400 (Dodge), but Detroit was able to sort itself out as both horsepower and quality increased—that is, until Cadillac went with CTS, SRX, etc. and then CT5, XT5, etc.
Still, none of that is as bad as several of the names applied to car models today. I blame the trend on the Volkswagen Touareg. Does it make me look up what a Touareg is? Sure (they’re nomadic people from North Africa), but I don’t want to have the indignity of telling the car lot guy, “Mine’s the Touareg.” Since then, there’s been a rash of horrible car names. The culprits tend to be European—and Miuras they’re not. I don’t want to fall into the trap of being Ameri-centric and demanding all car names match my sensibilities, and I certainly understand the skill needed to come up with a name that works for most markets (though different markets sometimes have different names), but why is there a trend towards stupid names that don’t help the brand?
Here’s a list of the current culprits:
- Alfa Romeo Stelvio was named after a mountain pass in Italy, but it sounds like a Nescafe pod.
- Bentley Bentayga was inspired by a rock formation in the Canary Islands, yet it comes off as too obscure and disconnected from the brand.
- Lamborghini Revuelto, like many Lamborghinis, was inspired by a fighting bull, but the word can mean “scrambled” (eggs) in Spanish.
- Maserati Grecale’s name was derived from a Mediterranean wind, but Grecian Formula is what pops up in my mind.
- Maserati Levante is another name for a Mediterranean wind. I appreciate the theme, but here in Arizona we have desert haboobs, which would be embarrassing to drive.
- Rolls-Royce Cullinan makes sense to a point as it was named after the world’s largest diamond, but I had to look up the name while images of pelicans swirled in my head.
- Volkswagen Tiguan appears to be a portmanteau of the German words Tiger (same in English) and Leguan (“iguana”). Say what?
We need more animals, like Ocelot and Komodo, or more inspiration and alliteration, like Honda Horizon. Wait…that was a Plymouth at one point. Can you think of some good ones?
